


Udderly Sensational

by satelliteofsins



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Animal Traits, Cows, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, because i hate our bfu groupchat and everyone in it, cow!Ryan, cowplay, everyone in our groupchat? on crack, i havent slept, i wrote this in 20 minutes, lunacy, on jah, theyre nuts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21663868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satelliteofsins/pseuds/satelliteofsins
Summary: Ryan's been having a hard few months.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	Udderly Sensational

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry

Ryan sat, shifting uncomfortably in his office chair, avoiding eye contact with his work colleagues. They all shuffled into work, lips ready to form the words 'good morning' and then just not doing so. The weight on his chest was unfamiliar and still new, and his back ached pretty hard from it all.

Hours passed in the office, very few people coming over to say hi. It was starting to get lonely, it had been months and months that this had been developing- that HE had been developing- and as uncomfy as everyone else was, Ryan was flushed red anytime anyone looked at him. That and the pounding headache from the new horns? It didn't help. Stuffing the tail away was difficult too.

A tap on the shoulder.

Shane.

"Sup, uh, you ready to go into the recording room? Get some VO work done?" he said, stumbling every now and then.

"Uh, yeah yeah sure-"

"Ry, your shirt's wet."

Ryan glanced down quickly. His last unripped shirt was not wet, but DRENCHED. He instinctively folded his arms to cover it, but his new tits (udders?) just swamped his face, like water being displaced and flooding out onto the riverbank.

"Shane, please don't tell anyone about this." he said quietly, his cheeks going pink and warm.

"No, no I won't it's fine! But wh- I- um-"

"It's milk."

Shane blinked a couple times, mouth hanging slightly open like the dumb bitch he is.

"Like, milk milk? Cereal milk? Like a moo cow?"

"Yeah, I lactate when I'm stressed." Ryan said, putting on his coat over his moist, milky shirt. "Let's just go to the booth, it's fine."

Shane stood aghast for maybe a second longer, and then a second too long, before turning and leading Ryan down the corridor. The coat was welcome relief from prying eyes; news and gossip about his new uh, _development_ , had gotten around, and while Buzzfeed was a welcoming space, slowly turning into a cow monster seemed to be pushing it. As soon as the recording room door was shut, he breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Just him and his friend. He could trust Shane not to judge him right?

He wasn't so sure anymore. Shane was staring right at his chest for a good few minutes while they set up. And while Ryan let his tail out of his jeans, Shane stared at that too. The physical discomfort only grew worse when after everything was set up, Ryan span in his seat too quickly, and his massive tits pushed all the microphones and equipment right off the table into the opposing wall. The seconds of silence following that particular accident were painful to say the least. But the VO started, and finally getting some meaningful work done seemed to help a lot, with Shane's laughter easing the stress. Sure, he hated his job sometimes (particularly having to stand in the middle of haunted asylums like a fucking moron), but moments like this made it worth it, no matter what uncomfortable cup size he had attained.

"So uh, that wasn't so bad was it?"

"Nah, I just need a clean shirt.. I'll be better soon." said Ryan, satisfied with their progress. He instinctively stretched back on his chair, letting a sigh escape his lips.

"Do those things hurt?" Shane asked.

"Yeah man! I don't know how girls do it? These things are fuckin' heavy, dude!" he smiled, laughing and squeezing them together a little with his upper arms.

Big mistake.

The second he squeezed them, milk shot out in a perfect stream at high speed, and shot straight through Shane's skull, killing him instantly. The stream of milk continued through Shane's shattered skull, through the wall behind, forming a perfect milky pinprick in the wall and hitting a circuitbox. The entire building short circuits. It Bursts Into Flames.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> i lied im not sorry at all


End file.
